


Stay

by ishiptheships



Series: Ling is too fuckin bi and poly to function [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, greed is dead and ling is greiving, have fun, hi apparently all i can write is angst, ling is bi and polyam and y'all can't do shit about it let him live his bi polyam life, so here u go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 14:19:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14046120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishiptheships/pseuds/ishiptheships
Summary: After Ling returns from Amestris, he struggles with his grief. Post-canon.





	Stay

**Author's Note:**

> yeah yeah i know i'm writing a lot two years of NOTHING and ling yao's bi/polyamory drop kicks me out of nowhere and you get TWO FICS in like 3 days. you're WELCOME
> 
> Lan Fan's POV. This is sad bc that's all i know how to write. It can't be fluff w/o angst i guess

Lan Fan stood near the door of her lord’s chambers. The hallway of the palace was large and silent. While the children of the king had their own section of the palace, there was always danger; there was probably an assassination attempt every week or so on _one_ of the children. Ling never had as many assassination attempts as the first, second, or third child of the king. As the twelfth son, he managed to get somewhat unnoticed. There had been about ten in his lifetime—nowhere nearly as much as the Li son or Chen daughter, who had upwards of fifty to a hundred attempts in their 25-year lives.

However, ever since Ling returned from Amestris and word got out that he presented the emperor with a philosopher’s stone, the number of assassination attempts rose just within the week he had arrived. There was already two this week alone, and it was only Thursday.

So, Lan Fan stayed vigilant.

She felt Ling’s chi stir in the room behind her. He was sleeping, but he felt restless. A twinge of worry struck Lan Fan’s chest but she stayed where she was. He was different since he returned from Amestris…no. After the Promised Day.

It started in the Great Desert. He had cried so much that she and Mei didn’t know what to do. He confessed he cared for the homunculus. He confessed he cared as much for Greed as much as he cared for Lan Fan.

_And how much was that?_

Lan Fan knew Emperors had at least fifty wives—one for each clan. They also had harems at their disposal. While her lord never seemed like the type to want to be king for that reason (he always said he wanted glory for the Yao Clan), she didn’t think the Emperor wanted all those women out of compassion or care for them. Maybe she was wrong.

Lan Fan frowned. No, she definitely wasn’t wrong. Her lord cared for her. She wasn’t an idiot to see how pained he was when he stared at her metal arm. And if he said he cared for the homunculus as well…

He had made Major Armstrong draw two portraits that he kept safe during his travels. While Lan Fan knew one of them had to be her beloved grandfather, she did not know who the other could have been. It wasn’t until they arrived back to the palace that he had made an alter for the homunculus right after he had made an alter for Fu. He visited them every few days. His being smelt like incense burned in their honor when he returned with his guards to his room.

And every time as he entered his chambers, his composure faltered. Outside, he was regal, serious, no-nonsense. Every once in a while he would crack a smile towards Mei or Lan Fan, but Lan Fan was one of the few people who knew how he was after he closed his chamber door.  Ever since they were little, she was one of his only companions; while she was about a year and a half older than he was, she was chosen to be his guard from his conception. She knew Ling inside and out.

Lan Fan heard a loud gasp from inside the room. She heightened her senses to make sure there was no other chis around her and inside the room except for her own, the guard stationed in the room, and her lord’s. She took the liberty to open the sliding door a crack.

“My lord?”

Ling’s voice crumbled. “Hey, Lan Fan.”

Lan Fan entered the room and closed the door behind her. She bowed low to her future emperor and gestured to the guard stationed in the room to leave and guard the door. He nodded and left.

Ling had sat up already. He was shirtless (Lan Fan noticed the change of habit after the homunculus possessed him), darkness under his eyes. His hair was down, but he brushed it out of his face. He didn’t look at her.

“My lord—”

“It was just a nightmare. Please, go back to your post. Or take the night off.” Ling’s eyes were heavy.

“I cannot do that. You know this.”

Ling rubbed his eyes. His nightmares also started after the Promised Day. In the Great Desert, she and Mei would have to wake him from a cold sweat, and even in the Palace, he could never go a night without waking up. Lan Fan’s heart sank. It hurt to see him in so much pain.

“My lord, if you would let me suggest a calming tea or meditation…”

“I’ve tried.”

“Then, my lord, let me suggest—"

“Lan Fan, please. I have a name.” Ling’s voice was barely audible.

Lan Fan pursed her lips behind her mask.  She rarely called him by his name.

“It would be inappropriate.”

“Just when it’s us. Please.” Ling gestured for her to come closer. She walked up to the side of the bed.

She could have sworn she saw his mouth move ever so slightly to form words. That was another thing he did since the Promised Day. He would talk to himself—small mumblings that ended with him stopping his thought and swallowing his words. She took his hand.

“Are your thoughts too empty…Ling?”

Ling smiled when she said his name. “No one responds back when I think anymore.”

“I thought you considered that a nuisance.”

“At first, but I—” Ling’s eyes filled with tears. Lan Fan wanted to kiss them away.

“He was your companion.” She knew that was an understatement.

“More than that.” Ling took a breath. She could sense his fear and anxiety. “You don’t hate me…do you?”

Lan Fan stared. “No, my l-Ling, I could never—"

“Please stay with me.” Ling begged. He mumbled something along the lines of “horrible idea” before looking away.

“My lord?”

“I’m not asking as your lord, prince, king, whatever. I’m asking as Ling.” He reached behind her ear to remove her mask. “Please.” Another mumble. “Don’t hate me.”

Lan Fan reached back and untied the knot that concealed her face. She lowered the clay mask and placed it on the bedside table. Ling reached up to cup her left cheek. His hands were rough from holding swords and the reigns of the camel that had brought him back to his homeland, but they touched her so gently that she could barely feel it.

He was so nervous; if they were in any other circumstance, Lan Fan would laugh. She pressed her cheek to his hand.

“What are your nightmares about?” She kept her voice soft.

Silence before Ling replied. “That day.”

“Mm.” She pulled away from his touch to slowly and quietly (she didn’t want the guard outside to suspect anything) remove her guard uniform to reveal a pair of leggings and a loose shirt. She folded the uniform neatly and placed it under her mask.

_Gods, Grandfather would punish me if he saw me. He had told me my feelings for the prince should be focused on his protection and never my desires. Forgive me, Grandfather. Ling needs me now._

Lan Fan gestured for Ling to scoot over. She had done this once before in the desert, but never in the palace. Never in the future emperor’s bed. She swallowed her nervousness. “Forgive me, my lord. May I—”

Ling’s eyes widened. He stammered to himself (not the same as his mumbling Lan Fan noticed) before nodding and moving over.

Lan Fan opened her arms and waited for Ling to wrap his arms around her in return, his head buried in her right shoulder. She worried about her metal arm touching his skin, but she felt him relax. She buried her nose in his hair. He smelt like incense he burned for her grandfather and for Greed. Her heart ached for him.

“Are you okay with this Lan Fan? Let me know, I can always leave—”

Lan Fan laughed gently. She could feel his heart beat faster against her stomach. “It’s your bed.”

“That doesn’t mean…I’m just…” Ling face was hot against her skin. He worried for her.

Silence fell between them. She stroked his hair, like she did that long night in the desert. It was as soft as it was then.

“Tell me about Greed.”

Ling looked up at Lan Fan in surprise.

She looked down at him. “Tell me about him.”

“I…” Ling looked away. It took a moment for Ling to find his voice. “He was a better version of something I could never be. He was stronger, more ambitious, reckless…we worked well together. We were the same, yet so very different at the same time. He was everything I was looking for in Amestris, and I was an unexpected companion for him. He said he wished we had separate bodies. We both agreed, but there was a part of us that didn’t wish that at the same time.”

He cringed. “I’m sorry, you must hate this.”

“Why would I hate this? If you like him, like you like me, I shouldn’t feel bad. Because I—" Lan Fan closed her mouth. Maybe she wasn’t ready to talk about this yet either.

Ling laughed. The corner of his eyes crinkled when he laughed. She cherished the sound. “Don’t tell me to talk about my feelings if you can’t do the same.”

Lan Fan pouted. “I’m trying to help you, Ling.”

He smiled into her shoulder. “I know.”

There was a gap of silence. She rubbed his back with her metal arm before she spoke again. “Does my automail bother you?”

Ling shook his head. “No. Never.” (How could he? She gave up an arm for him.) He stared at her shoulder. “Does it hurt? I know you…” They both swallowed their thoughts. She had saved Greed from falling and her shoulder bled. Ling’s body bled for him and she did too; Greed was always the touchy subject.

“Not as much anymore. It hurt more a month ago. And it hurts when it rains.” Gods, that day was a month ago.

“Good thing it’s not raining then.” She felt Ling pull away slightly, hesitate, and press his lips against the flesh shoulder that melded with the metal. He cared so much, he had so much guilt, Lan Fan could cry.

“I miss him.” Ling whispered into her skin. Lan Fan closed her eyes.

“I know.” His hair tickled her lips. She decided to speak honestly. “Me too.”

Ling took a big breath before exhaling and held her tighter.

A thought passed through her head. She went for it. “Do you ever wonder what it would be like to have him on the other side of you?”

She felt Ling tense and his hand clutched the back of her shirt. She could feel his tears soaking into her collar. He nodded slowly.

 _Oh no._ “My l-Ling…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—don’t cry—”

“No. I think…I think I can talk about it. I think I can only with you. You’re the only one that might truly understand.” Ling’s words were thick with tears.

Silence.

“Would you have…allowed him to stay in our bed?” Lan Fan noticed his wording.  _Our_ bed. 

“Yes. I think so.” She didn’t need to think about it. She trusted Greed. Had trusted Greed. Maybe she would have grown to…care about him too.

“What a nice thought.” Ling said sadly. Lan Fan nodded.

She doesn’t remember how they came to touch lips. Her metal hand was in his hair, his around her waist. He tasted of jasmine tea and tears. He touched her softly, slowly, everything she could have dreamt of. But wishes couldn’t—didn’t—make reality. Greed was dead. She was the Prince’s guard. He was going to be Emperor of Xing. If only Greed wasn’t dead. If only she wasn’t the guard of the twelfth son of the emperor. If only he wasn’t going to be King. Maybe, just maybe, they all could have shared a bed together.

She cursed herself for giving into her own desires (she guessed, in a way, Greed was with them). She wanted something she couldn’t have.

She pulled away.

“I need to get back to my post.” She said abruptly. Gods, how was she supposed to go back from this? She stood, reaching for her uniform.

Ling raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“I’ve stayed too long. I can’t be found in bed with—” She bit her tongue. “It would be inappropriate.”

“Fuck inappropriate.” Ling frowned. His cursing was another habit picked up from the homunculus. “It would have been inappropriate to reject fifty wives and marry a common woman and a man that wasn’t truly human.”

Lan Fan stared at him.

“If—” Ling looked away and cleared his throat. “I would have done it. If I could, I would have done it.”

Lan Fan glanced at her uniform. The white in her mask reflected the moon’s light.

“Please.” Ling’s voice broke. “Stay.”

Lan Fan swallowed the thickness in her throat. She wiped away the tear falling down Ling’s face with her warm hand and kissed his hairline.

And she stayed.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've had wonderful feedback and reception from my writing, and Nii has drawn wonderful fanart for this fic.   
> http://okamitempest.tumblr.com/post/172186994241/please-lings-voice-broke-stay-lan-fan


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